What a week, you guys. It’s definitely been a series of highs and lows as I come to terms with how things are about to change for our family in various ways. It’s all good change, but even good change comes with some growing pains, ya know?
I had a down day earlier this week, and I shared a bit of what was on my heart and mind in one of my email newsletters. You all were so sweet and supportive, and I appreciate all of your comments so much. I know there is much to look forward to, but I needed a day to let it all sink in and indulge my sentimental side.
I’m generally a pretty practical person. I have my own life, my job, my own interests, my friends… I’m not one of those moms who has spent the past 18 years focused solely on my kids, volunteering at their schools and extra-curricular activities. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that!) In fact, sometimes I feel guilty that I don’t do more.
All I’m saying is, I always figured I’d be fine when my kids move on because I have my own interests and people to occupy myself with, but I’m realizing it will still take some getting used to. An empty house can seem very loud somehow.
The funny thing is, I love an empty house… when I know everyone is coming back home to sleep at night. But now that I’m getting a glimpse into a future of hellos and good-byes as my kids start to move on and create lives that don’t necessarily include me, an empty house suddenly dredges up all sorts of memories and emotions I wasn’t prepared to deal with.
I’m already feeling better, though. My son came home from camp yesterday for a brief respite before he returns this afternoon (he is allowed 24 hours each weekend between groups of campers) and suddenly the world seemed to right itself on its axis.
He was his same old self, and I can see myself getting used to him coming in and out of our lives. There’s actually more to talk about when he’s been away, and it was nice to hear about what he’s been up to this week. Even his sisters seemed interested in talking to him.
I did his laundry and made his favorite dinner, and when I set the table, I smiled as I counted out 5 dinner plates instead of 4.
After dinner, he returned to his video games, and Paul and I went down the street to visit with our neighbor-friends. When we got home, D was gone again… assumably out playing basketball with friends. (We need to have a discussion about letting us know his whereabouts when he’s home. This independence thing is going to his head already!)
This morning, everything seems right with my world again — normal-but-not-normal, but normal enough.
I’m sure I’ll have more melancholy days as the summer progresses, as we take this house apart and move into our new home and get D off to college, and it may take time to get used to our new normal, but I’m also excited to get to the other side — both literally and figuratively.
We’re sort of in limbo at the moment, waiting to get the keys to the new house. I did some packing earlier in the week, but then I slowed down as we got closer to the weekend. I’m not quite ready yet to start taking things off the walls and end tables and things, and there’s not much else left out that we’re not using. In fact, I’ve already had some moments of wishing I could access things that are packed away in boxes.
And so we wait.
It’s affecting all of us — the waiting. Normally this time of year we’d be relaxing and enjoying summer vacation, but we’re all feeling a little antsy. That’s okay, though. There’s nothing wrong with a little anticipation!
Meanwhile, I’m trying to enjoy this glorious weather we’re having… FINALLY! It has been such a cold, wet spring, but I think Mother Nature got the memo, and summer seems to be here to stay. The sun is even shining today — our first Sunday without rain in weeks… maybe even months. #noexaggeration
I’m looking forward to church this morning, and then we have plans to go out to lunch with friends. After that, we may spend a few hours at our swim club before we come back here to the neighborhood for our annual Father’s Day kickball game. It’s always dads vs. kids, and the dads usually win, but the kids are getting bigger so it will be fun to see if they can finally school their dads.
I wish my son could be here for that, but I know he’s where he should be, and there will be more Father’s Day kickball games.
We don’t have much going on this next week, except for D’s college orientation on Thursday… Why do they schedule those so early in the summer? It seems too soon!
But anyway, that should be an experience. I hope it doesn’t send me into another tailspin of emotions, but I actually think it will be kind of cool. At least it will give me a diversion from packing.
I hope you all have fun plans for this gorgeous Sunday. Enjoy your Father’s Day!