Delima

Last year I joined our local Community Bible Study where quite a few of my friends from my new church and my former church attend. The study provides much needed spiritual nourishment, an opportunity for some adult social interaction, as well as a great program for the kiddos. It doesn’t get much better than that!

I thoroughly enjoyed my first year. It was a great way to get time in the Word and to catch up with my women friends, so I signed up again for this year.

I was thrilled when I met my new group because there are several women that I know and love (it’s a very large organization with 10 or so different groups, so it’s not necessarily a given that you will be placed with several people you know!!) All that to say, I was off to a rollicking good start. Except for one thing. Baby has a different plan in mind. In fact, it appears as though she is out to sabotage my efforts to attend this study.

I mentioned before that she is in the height of separation anxiety at the moment, which I realize is very typical of this age. Every week at church, the workers in the nursery come get me out of worship to rescue them from an hysterical Baby. She goes in fine, but soon after I leave, when she realizes I’m gone, I guess, she starts crying and won’t stop. She gets herself so worked up until she is hiccuping and snotting and all that jazz. It’s really a pitiful sight, and I always gladly take her and comfort her and keep her with me for the remainder of the service. This is just a stage, right? It won’t last forever. And in the meantime, I want her to feel safe and secure.

Unfortunately she is doing the same thing at my Bible study, except the nursery workers do not come get me. Rather, they are trying to convince me that she will be fine and she needs to get used to it. I am well aware of this philosophy, that it is somehow beneficial for her to get this time away from mommy and that if I leave well enough alone, she will not only survive, she will actually be better off in the long run.

I am not convinced of this. I would rather reassure my baby that she has not been abandoned and just keep her with me while she is in this stage. But it really isn’t acceptable for me to keep her with me in my group on a regular basis. The ladies who care for her in the nursery are certainly capable, loving women, and I know she is in good hands. I just prefer to be the one to comfort her through this stage, that’s all.

So I am in a conundrum. I either have to decide to go and leave her and assume that she will survive (they have assured they will come get me if she needs me, of course, but they  will determine what need is) and go enjoy my Bible study and adult socialization. Or I can forgo the bible study for a while, probably the whole year. See, that’s the thing. There is a waiting list to join, so if I stop going for the time being, I will have to give up my coveted spot. I can’t assume that I will be able to rejoin my group, or even rejoin at all this year.

I have been back and forth on this for three weeks now. Intellectually, I know she is fine even if she is screaming-hysterical-lunatic-baby while I’m gone. But my mommy instincts make me want to keep her with me and spare her this anxiety. Do they make Prozac for babies?

Anyway, I have missed the last two weeks due to her perpetual head cold, but it’s time to make a decision and move on. I’m sick of hemming and hawing about this.

What would YOU do??