Last year I joined our local Community Bible Study where quite a few of my friends from my new church and my former church attend. The study provides much needed spiritual nourishment, an opportunity for some adult social interaction, as well as a great program for the kiddos. It doesn’t get much better than that!
I thoroughly enjoyed my first year. It was a great way to get time in the Word and to catch up with my women friends, so I signed up again for this year.
I was thrilled when I met my new group because there are several women that I know and love (it’s a very large organization with 10 or so different groups, so it’s not necessarily a given that you will be placed with several people you know!!) All that to say, I was off to a rollicking good start. Except for one thing. Baby has a different plan in mind. In fact, it appears as though she is out to sabotage my efforts to attend this study.
I mentioned before that she is in the height of separation anxiety at the moment, which I realize is very typical of this age. Every week at church, the workers in the nursery come get me out of worship to rescue them from an hysterical Baby. She goes in fine, but soon after I leave, when she realizes I’m gone, I guess, she starts crying and won’t stop. She gets herself so worked up until she is hiccuping and snotting and all that jazz. It’s really a pitiful sight, and I always gladly take her and comfort her and keep her with me for the remainder of the service. This is just a stage, right? It won’t last forever. And in the meantime, I want her to feel safe and secure.
Unfortunately she is doing the same thing at my Bible study, except the nursery workers do not come get me. Rather, they are trying to convince me that she will be fine and she needs to get used to it. I am well aware of this philosophy, that it is somehow beneficial for her to get this time away from mommy and that if I leave well enough alone, she will not only survive, she will actually be better off in the long run.
I am not convinced of this. I would rather reassure my baby that she has not been abandoned and just keep her with me while she is in this stage. But it really isn’t acceptable for me to keep her with me in my group on a regular basis. The ladies who care for her in the nursery are certainly capable, loving women, and I know she is in good hands. I just prefer to be the one to comfort her through this stage, that’s all.
So I am in a conundrum. I either have to decide to go and leave her and assume that she will survive (they have assured they will come get me if she needs me, of course, but they will determine what need is) and go enjoy my Bible study and adult socialization. Or I can forgo the bible study for a while, probably the whole year. See, that’s the thing. There is a waiting list to join, so if I stop going for the time being, I will have to give up my coveted spot. I can’t assume that I will be able to rejoin my group, or even rejoin at all this year.
I have been back and forth on this for three weeks now. Intellectually, I know she is fine even if she is screaming-hysterical-lunatic-baby while I’m gone. But my mommy instincts make me want to keep her with me and spare her this anxiety. Do they make Prozac for babies?
Anyway, I have missed the last two weeks due to her perpetual head cold, but it’s time to make a decision and move on. I’m sick of hemming and hawing about this.
What would YOU do??
5 Responses
It’s so easy to say “this is what I would do” when I’m not actually in that situtation. So take everything with a grain of salt and listen to what your heart and mind are telling you.My daughter is/was very much a mommy’s girl, extremely shy and all that fun stuff. When she was around a year she too would cry and cry when I would leave her in the nursery at church. As hard as it was for me to walk away from her I decided that I was going to be tough and make her stay so that she would realize that this is what happens when we go to church. Unless she got completely hysterical they would tough it out with her. She didn’t seem to be any more clingy or needy afterwards so I don’t think it did her any harm. She still isn’t particularly fond of being dropped off at Kid’s Church but she stays because she knows that is what is expected of her. Boy, I sound like a real hard nose. :)Ramble, ramble, ramble…..I hope that helped.
i can totally relate to this…my little boy is nearly two years old…and he is very outgoing and loves people but he just throws a fit about 80% of the time, usually upset when i drop him off..sometimes i stay but try not to because it does not help much and then sometimes he assimilates and plays but usually he is clingy with one worker or plays and then will suddenly start crying again and “remember” he is upset…. many times we dont stay for sunday school because i can hear him fussing.the thing i picked up in your post that i can really identify with is the “we will let you know if he really needs you”..giving that power over is hard..i really dont like a nursery worker suddenly making me feel like i dont control my child. i know they are just doing their job and i am still the mom but it just bothers me..i have hung out in the hall and listened and that is so hard psychologically..and yes more than once i have walked back in said “ok we’re going home, yall dont have to deal with this” and then i get the “mom is just making it worse” vibe..of course then i also pick up on the “she’s a SAHM and he is the only” vibe..you know the insinuation that we might need to try MDO or something;) …. I swear i am not neurotic..just wanted to post that I can relate and i must say, when i about decide i cant take it anymore, he usually does fine the next sunday..sometimes it seems i pray all week.. and we have been going through the same issue for a wed morning bible study… All i can say is ONE DAY AT A TIME..and dont give up on your study.Holly
don’t give up! she is acting totally, completely normal! my kids both went through this (younger one, especially) and i always ended up having to tough it out and let them cry. a month or two later, they were fine. although i still had some mommy-guilt to work off.have you thought about dropping her off for the group study part and keeping her with you for the lecture at the end? you could sit in the ‘nursing mom’ seats in the back and still hear the lecture and be with baby. don’t quit! we love seeing you there and my kids miss princess!
Agree w/ all of above. Would consider trying to leave her more often w/ others also, ie- neighbors, Dad, friends, etc. to warm her up to the idea, that Mommy always comes back!I think in your heart of hearts, from what it sounds like, that God is calling you to be a part of the Bible study, as you just ranted & raved about it… think about all the nourishment it provides you to be the best Christian woman you can be? And you’re with her 99% of the other time, right? I do think she’ll survive, and “get over it.” Speaking from a mom who had to leave her child in daycare during this awful time… and whenever I came back to get her, she was just happily playing w/ her friends, and had a great day w/o me!
You’ve had several encouraging voices. I just wanted to add one more. Uhg… I hate this part of mommy land. You are not alone! My personal philosophy on most things that are really rough for my infant and toddler boys is baby steps toward the goal. If they are NOT going to cooperate no matter what I do then we get as close as we can to what I need them to do then pull the plug. The following week it’s a bit more so on and so forth. I would try what she suggested above. Drop her off at the nursery for a bit and then take her with you. You can extend the time a little each week. One thing to watch for would be when she might be “working” the system. I have to watch one of my sons carefully because he is prone to making it look worse than it actually is. At that point I just have to get matter of fact with him and he finally falls into the rhythm of things. Listen to your heart 🙂