Now THAT’S Embarrassing

Why is it that I seem to attract more than my fair share of embarrassing moments?  If you think injecting myself in the thumb with an EpiPen is the stupidest thing I’ve done this month, think again.

I was at the grocery store a couple weeks ago, and I had on these FAB green flats that I picked up on sale before Christmas.

(I love saying fab.  I haven’t gotten up the nerve to say it in real life, though.  I can only type it.  What’s up with that?)

I was walking through the dairy aisle when I felt something squishy under my foot.  Upon closer investigation I discovered a piece of cheese smeared on the bottom of my shoe.  EW!  I knew if I walked on it, it would just get embedded into the bottom of my shoes, and I didn’t want that.

Now, granted, I didn’t stop to ponder the various possible solutions to this problem.  And I readily acknowledge that there are a myriad of better choices I could have made.  But I was more concerned with finishing up my shopping trip and getting my cranky 2-year-old home, so this is what I did.  I lifted my foot and wiped the bottom of my shoe on the front of the cheese case, looked to see if the cheese was gone, wiped it again, was satisfied that most of it was off, and began to go along my merry way.  It was then that I looked up to see about six other people in the aisle with me.

Immediately I realized that I just wiped cheese sludge from the bottom of my shoe on the front of the refrigerated grocery case.  What am I, a child?  Who DOES that sort of thing?  Honestly I don’t know WHAT ails my head sometimes.

Quickly, I scanned the faces of the other shoppers to see if anyone had seen me.  Sort of like when I was in grade school and I would pick my nose and then quickly look around the classroom in hopes that no one else had noticed.  Or am I the only one who’s done that?

*awkward silence*

Any-Who.  As I scanned the faces of my fellow shoppers, I noticed a familiar face a few yards away.  It was another mom from my daughter’s school who I don’t know; I just recognized her.  Greaaaaaaaaat.  It was one of those moments when I wished the floor would open up and swallow me whole.

As we approached one another, I made eye contact and smiled casually, hoping she hadn’t seen the cheese sludge incident.  But she just looked back at me and kept walking.  No smile.  No acknowledgment.  Nothing.

Well, maybe she didn’t see what I did.  And maybe she doesn’t recognize me from school, so she didn’t know why I was trying to be friendly, I tried to console myself.  Although when I pass a complete stranger in the grocery aisle, if she looks at me and smiles, I generally smile back.  Don’t you?

Later that afternoon, I saw her picking up her daughter at school.  Again, I made eye contact and smiled politely, but I got nuttin’.  I was convinced she was remembering the cheese wiping incident.

Well, would you know, EVERY time I see this woman at school now, she just looks at me.  She never smiles, but she obviously sees me.  I see her talking and laughing with other moms, so I know she’s not antisocial.  I’m really beginning to develop a complex.

I think she saw me wiping the cheese off my shoe onto the grocery case and thinks I’m a complete miscreant.  Maybe I should consider moving to another school district.  I can’t live with the shame much longer.

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28 Responses

  1. You can feel good about one thing… I had to look up what “miscreant” means. So I would say you may not have made a good impression with the not-so-smily Mom, but between “Fab” and “miscreant” you sure have a way with words! And who cares about her, you impress us all on a daily basis and aren’t internet impressions what matter most in life!

  2. Oh, like she’s never done anything like that! Cheese and crackers, some people are so uptight! The shoes are super cute! I can’t say fab either. But I have been known to scream “FABULOUS!” with the aplomb of Carson Kressley, if ya dig.

  3. BAH. There is not a soul above the age of 12 in this world who hasn’t done something similar and anyone who would decide YOU are a miscreant for doing it is kidding herself. You keep smiling at her. Hold those shoulders up. She’s missing out by not returning your smile and striking up a conversation with you. Now SHE’LL never get to know the woman behind the shoe cheese. So sad!

  4. Theres a mom like that at Ellie’s school. I’ve run into her tons of times since she lives in our neighborhood and our KIDS run up to each other and hug and start chatting, so I have to talk to her. And she’s always giving me a vague smile and saying something like, “What class is your daughter in?” Um, the SAME ONE as your kid? We’ve met, like, EIGHT times?

    her loss, by the way.

  5. You cheese-wiper, you! Have you even seen that show “The New Adventures of Old Christine?” This story reminds me of her – although you are not old, it’s just the title of the show! ; )

  6. It was probably her who dropped the cheese. Just keep smiling and quit beating yourself up about it. Everybody’s done something on the spur of the moment they wish they could take back.

  7. Sheesh, what a meanie she must be!

    I have done (seemingly) silly things like that too, so I understand. But do not be ashamed of yourself. You are not a miscreant. You are a person who had icky cheese on the bottom of her shoe, and no really sophisticated way to get it off!! I say sophisticated because I am just not entirely sure ANYONE could look sophisticated while getting cheese off the bottom of her shoe right in the middle of the grocery store aisle no matter how she so chose to do so….. Right?

  8. ROTFL… OH MY GOODNESS…. I’m about ready to pee myself here…
    YOU cleaned it on the the cheese case… LMBO!!!!
    Now that is something I honestly can’t see you doing.. guess after 8 years I’m still learning more and more about you..
    UGH UGH UGH.. sorry about that other mom.. who knows if she saw you or not and who really cares.. if she can’t at least smile back she doesn’t sound like someone you need to make a good impression on anyways.

  9. ROTFL.
    This is just hilarious!! Aww, I feel your pain though, I really do. I think it’s just human instinct to do what you did, what other option did you have?

    The nose picking thing… um, I wouldn’t possibly understand where you’re coming from on that. Oh no. *whistles innocently*
    (I love you for admitting that! Yay!)

  10. I probably would have done exactly the same thing. It happens. Those shoes are most definitely fab. My friend says that word all the time and it makes me smile. But, like you, I’ve never been able to say it in conversation.

  11. that’s hysterical, I worry about that kind of stuff too. Not the nose picking thing 😉 but you know, other stupid stuff I come up with that I should be embarassed about….

  12. You’re very funny! I’ve had Mom’s at my son’s school stare past me before. I’m always smiling at strangers. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one.

  13. Whew! I snickered and giggled through this entire post.

    This woman is clearly a jerk. Perhaps if she could read your blog she would realize you are more than a cheese scraper…you are also a witty blogger who just made my day!

    Thanks for the chuckle!

  14. “Sort of like when I was in grade school and I would pick my nose and then quickly look around the classroom in hopes that no one else had noticed. Or am I the only one who’s done that?”

    I have NO idea what you’re talking about!!

    Don’t worry about that mom. Next time you see her picking her nose at a stoplight, you can stare at HER!

  15. That was the best laugh I’ve had all day! I’m sorry for your embarrassing moment (don’t ya just hate it when those things happen?) but so glad you shared it with us. And those shoes are WAY cute!

  16. That was the best laugh I’ve had all day! I’m sorry for your embarrassing moment (don’t ya just hate it when those things happen?) but so glad you shared it with us. And those shoes are WAY cute!

  17. I just laughed so loudly my husband asked what I was reading. :o)

    I love the cheese sludge incident– your life seems way more interesting and bloggable than anything that ever happens to me!

  18. Too funny… Isn’t it there fault anyways??? I mean, come on! They should keep those eisles cleaner! (Besides, who cares… The shoes were more important! SAVE THEM!)

  19. I laughed out loud at this. SO FUNNY. I love it. Smooth move there girlfriend.

    About grumpy-mcgee, she’s probably just jealous. And she’s probably not nice, therefore unworthy of your attention or friendship. Next time you see her, imagine that she WAS the cheese on your shoe.


  20. I had to laugh at this because I have done this. I worked in a bookstore once, and I was working in the storeroom when I felt the need to adjust my bra. The other clerk who was supposed to be at the front of the store had gone into the office to play on the internet. A little old lady with her cane walked into the store room where it must have looked to her like I was playing with my own boobs! I wanted to die, and since I was the person in-charge, I wanted to fire the teenage clerk for not being in his place. Fortunately for him, his dad owned the store!

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