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Sunday Morning #CoffeeTalk

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It’s been quite a week, hasn’t it?? Waking up this morning to the sun was like a salve on my soul.

It’s hard not to become consumed and overwhelmed by the goings-on in the world, both near and afar, is it not? I have been quietly watching and listening, trying to organize my thoughts, while still doing all the necessary things.

I hosted a workshop yesterday for local women in social media, and it was so good to get out from behind my computer screen and meet face to face. We learned a lot, we laughed a lot, and I joined Periscope.

Oh, yes. Another social network to grow and strategize. It makes me tired to even think about it, but with what I do, I have to stay at the forefront of these new technologies or my brand will slowly become obsolete. Plus, I have to admit, it’s kinda fun. I generally detest all things video, but Periscope is actually live streaming, and it’s interactive, which brings in a whole new dimension. My handle is @jolynneshane for anyone who is already on the network and looking for new peeps to follow.

My daughter’s sinus surgery on Wednesday went much better than we ever expected or imagined. She was scared going in, bless her heart, but she did great, and she’s been a trooper ever since she’s been home. She slept a lot on Wednesday, but she perked up significantly on Thursday, and now she’s pretty much up and around as usual. She’ll be able to go to church today and resume normal activities this week. We are still waiting to see how successful the surgery is. It takes a while for the packing to dissolve and the swelling to go down, but we hope she will have a better quality of life once it’s all said and done. The poor child hasn’t been able to breath out of her nose for years. 

Once I could see that she was going to be alright, I went for my MRI and got my nails done (important things, ya know!) and prepared for my workshop and crossed a myriad of other tasks off my to-do list. And all the while, my Facebook feed filled up with rainbows and victorious proclamations of #LoveWins. And I . . . have mixed feelings.

I have typed and deleted about 110 lines of type as I’ve sat here for the past 30 minutes, trying to decide how much I want to say, but the issues surrounding this decision are so complex and so much farther reaching than a group of people being granted the rights of a civil marriage. I don’t think I want to go there on my blog because I have no energy for fielding the comments that may follow. While I enjoy reading different perspectives online and thinking through the issues, I don’t often enter the conversation because I need to keep my energies firmly focused on my family and friends who live on this side of my computer screen.

But I do want to say this to my Christian sisters who may be reading along and feeling discouraged today. No matter what you believe about this ruling and what it may indicate for the future of our nation and the people of our faith, God was not surprised by this. Our agenda is not always his agenda. As believers, we must remember that our hope is not in the U.S. government or an elected official or nine robed men who sit on a prestigious bench. Our only hope is a holy God who is on his throne, working all things for good for those who love him and are called according to his purpose.

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

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59 thoughts on “Sunday Morning #CoffeeTalk

  1. Thank you for that encouragement. I too don’t often like to be involved in those conversations and honestly I have been afraid to mention my opinions in the wrong circles for fear of retaliation. I really needed that last paragraph, my friend (if you don’t mind me calling you that). I’m glad your daughter’s surgery went well! I can’t wait to hear about how well she is doing after recovery.

    1. Thanks, Rachel. In this situation, I’m actually a bit conflicted, so until I can really say what I mean and mean what I say, I am choosing to keep my thoughts to myself. It’s provided some interesting discussion with my husband and kids, though. 🙂

      1. This is exactly how I feel, Jo Lynne. I’ve started and stopped writing my thoughts a million and two times mostly because I’m still conflicted and working my thoughts out.

        Nell

  2. Hi Jo-Lynne,
    I just started to follow your blog, via Cindy Spivey’s site. I am truly enjoying the enriching, real, appropriate topics and conversations. Mostly, I love that your posts are undergirded by God’s word!!! What a better foundation?
    As we look at the news you mention here in such an honest and graceful way, I am encouraged also that our Lord is in complete control, and we can release our burdens to Him. We are called to love, as He loves.
    Thank you for your site, and for sharing!

  3. Thank you for that last paragraph. I’ve had very similar feelings and disappointment with the political world this week. You summed it up perfectly.

  4. Thank you for saying something. I too never speak my mind on the topics in the news lately. I am a people pleaser by nature and I know it isn’t the best trait to have but its me. I would rather go on and rationalize it isn’t my battle and we all have our own. Lord knows I have enough of my own baggage to carry. I do believe those who speak get heard and unfortunately none of today’s issues are spoken with equal efforts on both sides. I find it frustrating society has taken on the idea you are wrong if your beliefs aren’t alongside mine and what was the majority has now slowly migrated to a minority. As you said, God knows, and we all will someday lay our bags at his feet and be asked to answer for the contents.

    1. I also find the double standard frustrating. The ruling itself isn’t as upsetting to me as is the reaction of so many people I love and respect. I guess it’s just another reminder that this world is not our home and we shouldn’t get too attached to it. Sometimes silence is compliance, but sometimes silence is best. As a fellow people pleaser, I understand your rationalizations completely. 🙂

  5. OH my gosh! Your comment about the judges ruling was beautifully said. No matter what or who may come our way God is the One in control and that my friend will never change. Have a blessed day.

    Debbi

  6. You never know how your words will comfort and bless. Without going all TMI on you, because I know you’re right about saving our energy for people on our side of the computer screen…We are grieving a failed adoption. According to the country of origin, our children are legally ours, but, despite all efforts on our behalf to prove what the U.S. wants us to prove, we have still been denied visas for our adopted children. Permanently.

    I have to keep reminding myself that none of this is a surprise to God, & that He is still and always on the throne.

    So grateful for your words today & your daughter’s great result. Blessings.

    1. Gretchen, I am so terribly sorry you are going through this right now. How heartbreaking. I hope you find peace and comfort in our heavenly Father in your grief.

  7. OK I just noticed the avatar image next to my name and that so does not represent me!! Lol
    I tried to change it and couldn’t find how.
    Can anyone help me with this?
    I enjoy commenting every so often and need an image that represents me or even my pic 🙂
    Thank you

    1. I know I emailed this already, but in case anyone else is reading along and wants this info. You can go to gravatar.com and upload your own picture. I can see you did that already and it worked! It’s nice to see a smiling human face instead of a silly cartoon. 😉

  8. Thank you so much for having the guts to write this. It’s been a long, disappointing couple of days, but as you’ve said, God is not surprised.

  9. Thanks for such a thoughtful post, especially your words at the end. I needed to hear that. Glad your daughter’s surgery went well, and that she is ok.

  10. Thank you for a well-written post today. It was what I needed. I enjoy following your blog every day, and I was not disappointed today. Prayers for your daughter’s continued recovery.

  11. Amen, dear sister. You said it well. Not wanting to get in the fray, yet having real feelings and convictions about all of this. Thank you for the encouragement.

  12. Thank you so much for your kind, considerate words on such a delicate topic. Our only hope on earth is in the Supreme God and what his son Jesus has done for us!

  13. So glad that your daughter is feeling better. It is amazing how kids bounce back, eh?

    I guess I am in the minority with the #LoveWins ruling. I am a Christian, yet I support the decision. Life is too short not to be with the one you love. I guess that I am of the belief that God loves us, no matter what. Love is what he emphasizes in Corinthians, and I guess I want to believe that he meant any love.

    I hope that you have a wonderful week!

    1. Hey Jen. I do understand the sentiment, and it sounds nice, but there are lots of instances where people can’t or shouldn’t be with someone they love for a myriad of reasons having nothing to do with their sexual preference, such as when you fall in love with someone who is married to someone else. Also, holding to the traditional view of marriage does not prevent anyone from being with the person they love; it just prevents them from calling it marriage. (For what it’s worth, I am actually conflicted on whether or not I believe the state should allow civil same-sex marriages with the legal rights and benefits that comes with it, but that’s a post in and of itself.)

      As far as Corinthians and love is concerned, like all verses in the Bible, we must read them in context and in light of what the rest of scripture says. God loves his people, yes, even when we sin, but that is only because we have righteousness through the work of Jesus’ death on the cross. God loves us in spite of our sin, but he does not condone our sin, and we don’t have forgiveness for our sins unless we repent and accept the righteousness that only comes through faith in Him. Yes, I know that not all Christians believe homosexuality is a sin, and that is another issue entirely, but God’s love does have parameters because he is holy.

      It is possible to love people, be compassionate and kind to them, but not accept everything they do and believe. Just because someone opposes the concept of same sex marriage does not make them stupid, a bigot, or a homophobe. I know you did not say that, but I am seeing those words thrown around in my Facebook feed. I’m worried that it’s a slippery slope, and I fear the day when people standing up for traditional values are going to be accused of hate speech and worse. I really want to have more of these conversations because I think it’s important that we on different sides of this issue talk to each other and listen to each other and try to understand each other, and I hate to see this issue becoming so divisive.

      Anyway, sorry for the book, but I you brought up some valid points that I want to address, and I’m glad you did. I appreciate your friendship and your thoughtful, respectful response. And thanks for the kind words about my daughter. We are so grateful that she has recovered so easily.

      1. I completely agree with you Jo-Lynne about why people shouldn’t be with certain people. When I made my original comment, I was only referring to the subject of marriage. Meaning, a committed gay couple that wanted to legally marry. I certainly wasn’t implying that love was an excuse to do anything you wanted.

        That is why I usually never comment on these issues. No matter what, it ruffles someone’s feathers and more is read into it than it was intended. I would never agree with “love” being an excuse to commit adultery or anything like that.

        1. No worries. I’m not ruffled. 🙂 It’s just that I hear that sentiment a lot in these discussions, and I don’t think that our personal happiness is reason enough to condone a behavior. It’s just so much more complex than that.

          1. It is, isn’t it? So we can agree to disagree on this topic, I guess 🙂

            I do understand where you are coming from. After all, I am married for over 18 years. My marriage is sacred to me. I will defend it with ever fiber in my being. Guess I am being silly that I want that feeling for everyone, despite their gender. KWIM?

            I do love the fact that I can come here and disagree, but not feel attacked. Keep that up!

  14. You could not have said it better! Thank you for your inspiring words. It is always refreshing reading your blog. Glad all went well with your daughter’s surgery. Hope you all had a blessed weekend.

  15. I have a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that people feel they have the right to tell someone else they can’t marry the person they love because they are not the ‘right gender’. What if, in ten years, one of your children comes to you and tells you they are gay? Would you not want them to experience the same rights and privileges as you in a legal marriage situation? Would you want their life to be harder than it should be because of the way they were born?

    1. Fair question, Ann. So much for not opening this can of worms, huh? 🙂

      If we don’t have the right to tell people they can’t marry a certain gender, why do we have the right to tell a polygamist that he can’t marry two wives? Where does it end? At some point, we have to define what our society allows and what it doesn’t.

      If one of my children ever comes to me and tells me they are gay, I first will tell them that no matter what, I will always love them. Then I will encourage them not to act on those desires, and I will guide them to the Bible because it is my authority on all things, and that is what they have been raised to believe. If they were open to discussion, I would attempt to discuss in a loving and respectful way why I believe they should not act on those desires. I would have the same conversation if they told me they wanted to date a married man or move in with their boyfriend or any other behaviors that I believe are wrong, for what that’s worth. In the end, as with any decision my children may make that go against what I believe, they will always have my love and acceptance. I might not always approve of their choices, but they will know that I love them.

      1. I think a can of worms is a a good thing if the debate is respectful!
        I find your choice of words, “want to be gay”, interesting. It makes it sound like a choice. It is not a choice. Neither was it a choice on your part to be heterosexual. It just is. There is a big difference between homosexuality and polygamy/adultery. The second two ARE choices. They are not biologically determined. They can’t be compared.

        1. I agree that respectful debates are good, but sometimes they are better off had without an audience. I wish we could sit down over coffee and chat. 🙂

          I have a lot more that I could say, but I will end with this. And this is for everyone following along. Please know that everything I’ve written on this topic has been crafted with great care and consideration for the feelings of those who believe differently and the broad and diverse audience that I have. I am terribly conflicted with this whole situation, and I feel no hatred or animosity towards anyone, nor do I want to see anyone’s rights taken away. My husband and I spent half the day yesterday hotly debating these topics. I truly wish we could all live and let live, but the more we talked, and the more I have read articles on all sides of the issue, the more I have come to believe that it just isn’t that simple. I also do not believe that this is about imposing a set of religious beliefs on an entire nation. It is about determining as a culture what is in the best interest of society. Not that I expect we will ever all agree on that, but I wish the issue could be debated from that perspective because at the end of the day, I think that is truly what we all want — the best for our country and our society. I do appreciate your thoughtful comments.

  16. You’re entitled to your opinion and to express yourself however you want, but I have to admit it’s a real turn off. I have rarely met anyone who is against gay marriage and by stating that you believe being gay is a choice it does make you sound uneducated. You’re definitely in the minority and by expressing your feelings you could severely limit your blog audience and it’s likely to limit your advertisers and sponsors. I didn’t realize this was a conservative Christian site based on your revealing clothing and materialism. Anyhow, I love your blog for fashion and recipes and will pray on if this is an appropriate site for me to frequent.

    1. Gosh this is exactly my sentiment and expressed perfectly above. I really agree with Lena, and have debated leaving this blog as I find your views so conflicting.

      1. Agree. Your blog is all about shopping. Going shopping, thinking about shopping, what you’ll buy when you go shopping, what you bought while shopping. You have sponsors supporting this. That’s great, BUT this post is far and away from shopping and not inline with your focus seems to be, at least to me and that’s my problem, I know. So it’s time for me to move on. I know, no loss, on either side. Good luck.

        1. Hi Lin. This was a personal blog long before fashion topics took center stage, and there is still a lot more to my blog than fashion. My Coffee Talk posts are a regular feature, and many tell me that it’s their favorite. I never intended to delve into this issue so specifically, but I am in the habit of answering my comments and I felt that I needed to clarify some things when they were brought up. I tried to do so respectfully and honestly. You (and others) certainly do not have to feel obligated to stick around if you find my views distasteful. I do wonder, though. Why the double standard? Many fashion brands (and others) were very outspoken about their support and outright celebration of this decision. It doesn’t fit with their brands necessarily but they felt it appropriate to share their joy and support. I guess I don’t see why is it so out of place for me to share my heart with my audience on a personal blog.

  17. You nailed it when you said God is in Control!! What an awesome God we serve!!
    Reminded again it was the US Supreme Court ruling not the Supreme Court!!

  18. I appreciate your words and your care Jo-Lynne. May you continue to have wisdom and discernment as you articulate your faith in such a public arena. You have been able to articulatemany of my own thoughts …

  19. Thank you for your thoughtful, comments on this hot topic. I am a new reader to your blog and am impressed with the courtesy you show to others especially those who have different ways of looking at things. I am so disappointed by the court ruling. I am a Christian that believes that God did not make a third gender. He made male and female in his own image as the Bible said. If God meant for the same sexes to be together He would have included them in the creation when He made Adam and Eve and would have given them equal status by allowing them to procreate just as Adam and Eve. God knew exactly what He was doing when we were created and made rules to guide us so that we could live in an orderly fashion. We have broken those rules and that is why our country is in such chaos. I firmly believe that people, especially young impressionable people, are being taught and influenced by TV shows, the Internet etc. No wonder laws like the gay marriage laws get passed! Just as several people have said here in the comments, Christians are afraid to speak up. If we do not get some guts and speak our views then we are going to have no one to blame for the downfall of our country except our timid selves. The other side is winning at practically every turn because they are ruthless and relentless in letting everyone know their views. They do not care what others think of them. They parade and shout and do whatever it takes! We Christians need to be more active in making our voices heard. We should always be respectful in getting our points across just as you have been with this topic. Let us continue to pray that we will follow the laws of God who made us and knows what is best for us. I have shared my thoughts and am willing to take whatever criticism comes from others of a different mindset.
    Dee

  20. It’s been frustrating to see many blogs over the recent days. People who would normally talk about hot current topics who suddenly have gone silent over this issue because they are afraid of ruffling feathers, losing readers, and therefore losing ad money. I give you a lot of credit for having the courage to write about something I know so many have opinions on they are afraid to express.

    I do however disagree when you mentioned in comments above that silence is sometimes best. I think many of us who call ourselves Christians think we shouldn’t rock the boat and if we play nice, then everyone else will be fair too. Sadly, as much as we all wish it was that way, that isn’t how life really works. Sometimes God puts obstacles in our lives and allows sin to happen to test us. Maybe He allowed the gay marriage thing to pass to see which of his followers would be brave enough to stand up to the standards God created for us.

    If that is the case, many of us have sadly failed Him. God gave up His son for us to have eternal life. That’s not even going into all Jesus went through for us. Do we not owe it to Him to stand up for what is right when we see sin happening around us? We humans tend to want and ask for a lot, yet how can we expect blessings when we aren’t willing to stand up for our beliefs?

    As Christians, we know that God created man and created him a woman for companionship. If God had meant for it to be any other way, he would have given Adam a man, a donkey, a rock, or something else to fulfill that need.. Instead, as the Bible tells us in Ephesians 5:31, man leaves his father and mother to be joined with his wife and they become one flesh. That tells exactly what a marriage is.

    Sadly, as we humans usually do, we began to question and therefore ultimately sin.

    I do feel sorry for people who identify themselves as gay because they are being fed lies by the media and much of the general public to think this lifestyle is okay. No wonder so many people these days have questions and or confused about gender identity, sexual choices, or a combination of the two. We live in a society that has chosen to abandon not only Biblical law, but also the laws provided to us by our founding fathers of the U.S. I cannot separate the legal and religious issues of this topic because our country’s Constitution was based on Biblical law. Both sets of laws have worked well in making society run smoothly. The issue is society has changed and decided to ignore the truth.

    It’s disheartening that our current liberal administration seems to think they no longer have to abide by the Constitution and instead go by their feelings rather than the law.

    It’s even more discouraging that these lies are being shoved in our faces like it’s truth, when it really isn’t. Then we are called “haters” when we don’t follow along. This is exactly why things like the gay laws are now going through. If we Christians do not get a grip and begin using our voices to actively stand up against sin, then we will be fighting a losing battle from here on out.

    We can do that without being haters or meanies or whatever names the liberals want to label us, but by simply speaking the truth. We can respect each other as humans while not overlooking issues that are wrong.

    The other day, I saw a quote by Rick Warren that I think sums my thoughts up well. He said:

    “Our culture has accepted two huge lies. First is that if you disagree with someone’s lifestyle, you must fear or hate them.

    The second is that to love someone means you must agree with everything they believe or do. Both are nonsense. You don’t have to compromise convictions to be compassionate.”

    By the way, I wanted to let you know that I found your blog from Cindy a few days ago and have enjoyed catching up on some of your older posts I’ve missed, especially the recipes. Thanks for sharing your ideas with us.

    1. Hi Shannon. I do think silence is best at times. We have to pick our battles and know when to step away. But yes, more often that not, it’s tempting to stay silent because we don’t want to risk being attacked, or because we feel like we are in the minority, but that’s even MORE reason so speak the truth in love, to encourage those around us who are also keeping silent out of fear. That was really the only reason I brought it up at all in this post. I have a feeling that no matter where we stand on this issue, we are all discouraged by the way it’s become so divisive, and I just wanted to share some encouragement with my Christian sisters and remind us all that no matter where we stand on this issue, our hope is not in our government, but in our heavenly Savior, and He will work all things to His glory. That doesn’t mean it won’t get ugly in the meantime, or that it’s an excuse not to stand up for our beliefs, but it does mean that we know how the story ends, and we can take comfort in that.

      P.S. I love the Rick Warren quotes.

  21. On a side note, Periscope app keeps crashing on me before it’ll even start up … boo. As soon as that stops, I’ll look for you. I love that you share these new apps… it’s how I keep up with the new stuff going on.

  22. Hello from a long time lurker, first time poster. You and I are on opposite sides of the fence when it comes to the issue of gay marriage, and that’s ok! It is what makes for intelligent and healthy debate. I fully respect your views, even if I don’t agree with them, and I hope vice versa. Anyway, just wanted to let you know how much I enjoy your blog, your clothing styles are ones I can see my self in ( bought the hot pink shorts for $8 you posted the other day, thanks!) and relate to as a former under 40 year old :). I look forward to your coffee talks, recipes, and fashion updates . Hope you had a wonderful birthday!

    1. Suzanne, thank you so much for commenting. I appreciate that. 🙂 And enjoy those shorts! I’m about to grab a pair in another color while they’re still on sale. 🙂

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