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This Parenting Gig

We’ve hit a new stage around here recently.  My son is in the second grade.  Ever since we moved to this neighborhood two years ago, he has been running around with the boys in the neighborhood like one of the big kids.  But it is just recently that I feel like we’ve crossed into the next stage of parenting.  My son has gone from being a little boy to a big kid before my very eyes.

He’s always been easy.  I hate that term applied to children, but it’s just so applicable to him.

He was the nine month old who was content to sit on the rug and play with toys.  He didn’t walk until he was 18 months old because he couldn’t be bothered.  I didn’t even put child safety locks on my cabinets.  I told him “no-no” and that was that.  He never bothered them.

He was the kid who was sitting through “big church” when he was three years old, and not because we beat him into submission or anything.  We just gave him a baggie of goldfish crackers and told him to sit still and be quiet.  And he did.

He’s a compliant and affectionate child.  The Look is about all it takes to get his attention when he’s misbehaving, and he still gives me a hug when he gets off the schoolbus even though the bigger boys are around.  He’s not without his faults, of course, but all things considered, he’s our easy one.

But I’m learning that no matter how “easy” a child is, being Mom to a big kid is anything but easy.

It’s a balancing act.  I’m still his parent, but he needs more freedom than ever before.  He still needs boundaries and consequences when those boundaries are crossed.  And he still needs the affection he needed as a little guy.  But there are times when my affection is not what he needs or wants.  I am learning when not to cross that line.  I have to accept the fact that I can’t kiss away his pain anymore.

He is developing that fragile ego that afflicts all males.  I’m learning that I need to allow him to “save face” whenever possible.  A little bit of humor goes a long way.

I find him testing the waters.  Sometimes he talks to me with flippancy and disrespect, and I have to gently remind him that I am his mother, not his buddy next door.

I’m beginning to see him choose his friends’ approval over mine.  We have had some serious discussions recently about making wise choices and not going along with his friends when they are making the wrong choices.

This parenting gig.  It is HARD.

I’ve said it before, and I mean it more than ever now — I can’t believe you have to have a license in this country to own a gun, to drive a car, to fish in a lake, and to get married; but any idiot can take a child home from the hospital and raise it without even an instruction book.

Lately I feel like that idiot.

Of course there are instruction books out there.  When my children were babies, I read them all.  And when I got to each stage of parenting, I felt like I knew what to expect.

I knew what to do with my babies.  As long as I fed them and held them and changed their diapers a couple times a day, I had it made.  And best of all, they love you unconditionally.

I know what to do with my toddler.  Feed her, provide her with a few toys and safe boundaries, change her diaper when she tugs at it and says “pee-you!”, and make sure she gets enough sleep.  It’s all good.  And she still loves me unconditionally.

I know what to do with my preschooler.  Feed her, drop her off at school for a few hours so I don’t have to have messy art projects in my house, remind her to go to the potty every few hours, and hug her when the kid next door says she won’t be her friend anymore.

She is becoming more fickle in her expressions of love for me, but I know that at the end of the day she will crawl into my bed and press herself tight against my back and say sleepily, “I love you, Momma.”  And I can cuddle her for the rest of the night, knowing that she is safe and secure in my arms.

The best part about babies and toddlers and preschoolers is, whatever mistakes you made or are making will be long forgotten by the next day.  After all, a child can’t hold against you what he can’t remember.

But now there’s a “big kid” living in my house.  All of the sudden, the baby I nursed and rocked and sang to and potty trained thinks he knows more than his father and I do.  And he remembers everything.  If I mess this up, he could hold it against me forever.

I am no longer his whole world.  These days he often values a laugh out of his friend over an approving smile from me.  Sometimes he talks to me like I’m more of a peer than a parent.  One moment he is sweet and affectionate, and the next he is sullen and remote.

I still love him more than my own life.  I always have and I always will.  But he’s not totally mine anymore.  He’s becoming his own person.  I want so much for him to make the right choices and to own our values for himself.  We teach him what we believe, and we pray for him and with him, but ultimately he will make his own decisions.

I’m learning as I go, but I feel like I’m feeling my way along in the dark.  So about that instruction book.  I need a good one.  What do you have for me?  What do you recommend, oh wise Internets?

Those of you who have gone before me and have older children, what lessons have you learned that might help me and those in my shoes as we feel our way along this dark tunnel called parenthood?  We’re counting on you.  Give it your best shot.

Join The Conversation

46 Responses

  1. What a bittersweet post–trying to give him the freedom he wants/needs while at the same time showing him the love and affections he needs all the while providing appropriate boundaries. You are right–it sounds like a very fine balance or tight rope act. I don’t have wise words, having only a young daughter, but I wanted to offer encouragement. Your concern and love is sincere and he knows that. He has been blessed by a stable family and foundation, so can begin to spread his wings just a bit, yet within limits. I can only imagine the heart pricks as he goes through these changes. Hang in there Mom! Have you read Bringing Up Boys by James Dobson? I’ve always heard raves about his books.

  2. Well written!! The whole parenting thing is a bit overwhelming at times but also a continuous learning experience for the parents and children.I have no advice, C is a whole year younger than your D and the complete opposite. I will be watching for any advice you receive. I’d be curious what your mother says, she always has had great advice.

  3. Oh, I am SO in this place too. Except that I have a 5th grade son. And these are tough days. Like you said, he’s finding his friend’s approval of more value than his parents…and he’s testing the waters of independence more and more. He’s still very tender towards us, but his affection/tenderness feels so fickle sometimes.

    My husband just gave me a book he said I need to read. It’s called Extreme Pursuit: Winning the Race for the Heart of Your Son by John E. Davis. It’s on my nightstand right now. I think it’s geared a little more toward adolescent boys, but I’ll let you know once I finish it if it’s a worthy read.

    I spend much time in prayer for him. And I’ll pray for you too. Sounds like these are unchartered waters for both of us!

  4. Been there friend. Only more so with my Darlan’. Buddy Bear, is as you said, much more easy going. But this is the year that he is starting to care more about what his peers think (like what jacket he wears and such). My baby is growing up!
    I’ve also heard rave reviews about Bringing Up Boys. I would also highly recommend, Growing Kids God’s Way. That’s what we used with our two and you know what they’re like (is that a good thing or a bad thing?!) Anyhow, I should also get back to reading that series too, as it was very helpful and we’ve kind of gotten away from some of the suggestions we found useful before.

  5. Been there friend. Only more so with my Darlan’. Buddy Bear, is as you said, much more easy going. But this is the year that he is starting to care more about what his peers think (like what jacket he wears and such). My baby is growing up!
    I’ve also heard rave reviews about Bringing Up Boys. I would also highly recommend, Growing Kids God’s Way. That’s what we used with our two and you know what they’re like (is that a good thing or a bad thing?!) Anyhow, I should also get back to reading that series too, as it was very helpful and we’ve kind of gotten away from some of the suggestions we found useful before.

  6. Been there friend. Only more so with my Darlan’. Buddy Bear, is as you said, much more easy going. But this is the year that he is starting to care more about what his peers think (like what jacket he wears and such). My baby is growing up!
    I’ve also heard rave reviews about Bringing Up Boys. I would also highly recommend, Growing Kids God’s Way. That’s what we used with our two and you know what they’re like (is that a good thing or a bad thing?!) Anyhow, I should also get back to reading that series too, as it was very helpful and we’ve kind of gotten away from some of the suggestions we found useful before.

  7. Been there friend. Only more so with my Darlan’. Buddy Bear, is as you said, much more easy going. But this is the year that he is starting to care more about what his peers think (like what jacket he wears and such). My baby is growing up!
    I’ve also heard rave reviews about Bringing Up Boys. I would also highly recommend, Growing Kids God’s Way. That’s what we used with our two and you know what they’re like (is that a good thing or a bad thing?!) Anyhow, I should also get back to reading that series too, as it was very helpful and we’ve kind of gotten away from some of the suggestions we found useful before.

  8. Been there friend. Only more so with my Darlan’. Buddy Bear, is as you said, much more easy going. But this is the year that he is starting to care more about what his peers think (like what jacket he wears and such). My baby is growing up!
    I’ve also heard rave reviews about Bringing Up Boys. I would also highly recommend, Growing Kids God’s Way. That’s what we used with our two and you know what they’re like (is that a good thing or a bad thing?!) Anyhow, I should also get back to reading that series too, as it was very helpful and we’ve kind of gotten away from some of the suggestions we found useful before.

  9. Been there friend. Only more so with my Darlan’. Buddy Bear, is as you said, much more easy going. But this is the year that he is starting to care more about what his peers think (like what jacket he wears and such). My baby is growing up!
    I’ve also heard rave reviews about Bringing Up Boys. I would also highly recommend, Growing Kids God’s Way. That’s what we used with our two and you know what they’re like (is that a good thing or a bad thing?!) Anyhow, I should also get back to reading that series too, as it was very helpful and we’ve kind of gotten away from some of the suggestions we found useful before.

  10. Been there friend. Only more so with my Darlan’. Buddy Bear, is as you said, much more easy going. But this is the year that he is starting to care more about what his peers think (like what jacket he wears and such). My baby is growing up!
    I’ve also heard rave reviews about Bringing Up Boys. I would also highly recommend, Growing Kids God’s Way. That’s what we used with our two and you know what they’re like (is that a good thing or a bad thing?!) Anyhow, I should also get back to reading that series too, as it was very helpful and we’ve kind of gotten away from some of the suggestions we found useful before.

  11. Been there friend. Only more so with my Darlan’. Buddy Bear, is as you said, much more easy going. But this is the year that he is starting to care more about what his peers think (like what jacket he wears and such). My baby is growing up!
    I’ve also heard rave reviews about Bringing Up Boys. I would also highly recommend, Growing Kids God’s Way. That’s what we used with our two and you know what they’re like (is that a good thing or a bad thing?!) Anyhow, I should also get back to reading that series too, as it was very helpful and we’ve kind of gotten away from some of the suggestions we found useful before.

  12. Been there friend. Only more so with my Darlan’. Buddy Bear, is as you said, much more easy going. But this is the year that he is starting to care more about what his peers think (like what jacket he wears and such). My baby is growing up!
    I’ve also heard rave reviews about Bringing Up Boys. I would also highly recommend, Growing Kids God’s Way. That’s what we used with our two and you know what they’re like (is that a good thing or a bad thing?!) Anyhow, I should also get back to reading that series too, as it was very helpful and we’ve kind of gotten away from some of the suggestions we found useful before.

  13. Been there friend. Only more so with my Darlan’. Buddy Bear, is as you said, much more easy going. But this is the year that he is starting to care more about what his peers think (like what jacket he wears and such). My baby is growing up!
    I’ve also heard rave reviews about Bringing Up Boys. I would also highly recommend, Growing Kids God’s Way. That’s what we used with our two and you know what they’re like (is that a good thing or a bad thing?!) Anyhow, I should also get back to reading that series too, as it was very helpful and we’ve kind of gotten away from some of the suggestions we found useful before.

  14. Been there friend. Only more so with my Darlan’. Buddy Bear, is as you said, much more easy going. But this is the year that he is starting to care more about what his peers think (like what jacket he wears and such). My baby is growing up!
    I’ve also heard rave reviews about Bringing Up Boys. I would also highly recommend, Growing Kids God’s Way. That’s what we used with our two and you know what they’re like (is that a good thing or a bad thing?!) Anyhow, I should also get back to reading that series too, as it was very helpful and we’ve kind of gotten away from some of the suggestions we found useful before.

  15. Been there friend. Only more so with my Darlan’. Buddy Bear, is as you said, much more easy going. But this is the year that he is starting to care more about what his peers think (like what jacket he wears and such). My baby is growing up!
    I’ve also heard rave reviews about Bringing Up Boys. I would also highly recommend, Growing Kids God’s Way. That’s what we used with our two and you know what they’re like (is that a good thing or a bad thing?!) Anyhow, I should also get back to reading that series too, as it was very helpful and we’ve kind of gotten away from some of the suggestions we found useful before.

  16. Been there friend. Only more so with my Darlan’. Buddy Bear, is as you said, much more easy going. But this is the year that he is starting to care more about what his peers think (like what jacket he wears and such). My baby is growing up!
    I’ve also heard rave reviews about Bringing Up Boys. I would also highly recommend, Growing Kids God’s Way. That’s what we used with our two and you know what they’re like (is that a good thing or a bad thing?!) Anyhow, I should also get back to reading that series too, as it was very helpful and we’ve kind of gotten away from some of the suggestions we found useful before.

  17. Been there friend. Only more so with my Darlan’. Buddy Bear, is as you said, much more easy going. But this is the year that he is starting to care more about what his peers think (like what jacket he wears and such). My baby is growing up!
    I’ve also heard rave reviews about Bringing Up Boys. I would also highly recommend, Growing Kids God’s Way. That’s what we used with our two and you know what they’re like (is that a good thing or a bad thing?!) Anyhow, I should also get back to reading that series too, as it was very helpful and we’ve kind of gotten away from some of the suggestions we found useful before.

  18. If you are looking for something specific to boys, I recommend “Real Boys” by William Pollack. I have two young sons, but want to be prepared for the stage that you are in now and beyond. I have read most of it and I really like the message he sends about our society and boys and how to work around some of the issues of how we “think” they should be treated and raised.

  19. Having four kids, aged 18, 16, 13, and 8, I have been there, done that! One of the things I would tell you is that even though he is acting more and more like a big kid, he still in some ways wants to be a little kid. That’s part of the reason why I found the “tween” years (8-12) the most difficult with my kids. They are changing and growing and it is an exciting but scary time for them (and for us moms!) I also noticed with my kids that during these years, the kids had a big shake-up with their friends. In early grade school, the kids tend to be friends with the kids in their class, but starting around 3rd or 4th grade, they get more involved in outside activities and tend to gravitate towards the kids who are interested in the same things. This can be really difficult for them if they have been best buddies with someone and then that kid finds a whole different group of friends. It took a while for my kids to settle in to the group of friends they have now. One of the things we did when the kids were having a hard time was to tell them ” you know what, I think you need a day off” and we would let them stay home one day. Everybody needs a day off once in a while, right? This really seemed to help, and they were ready to go back to school the next day.

    What I would tell you is to be patient and loving and understand that these years are difficult for them. And, believe it or not, I have found the teen years a lot easier than the tween years! And I have 3 teenagers! (I am working on a post about not dreading but celebrating the teen years.) Anyway, remember even though he may not act like it, he still cares very much what you think, and he is still listening to what you are teaching him. Even when he is remote and sullen. So keep up the good work. He will always in one way or another be your little boy.

    Sorry for the super long comment. 🙂

  20. Great post. My daughter is in the 5th grade and yes you have to let them make mistakes and become their own person. It wanst until this year I let her pick her own clothes out for school. And finally I’m letting her do her own hair….even though I dont like it. There will be more things in life she does that I wont like or approve of. That is the way of life. All you can do is pray that God shows you what to do and pray for your children that they go in the right the direction.

  21. Welcome to the club! It’s a fun and adventurous place. The good news is that my son (who will be 16 soon) is still very affectionate with me. He is a puzzle to me though.

    I liked “bringing up boys” by Dobson and “wild at heart” by Eldridge (I know it’s a “mens” book but it gives great insight into the masculine mind.) The absolute best book I found on the birds and the bees is “so you’re about to be a teenager” by the Raineys. And the five love languages series (including one for children) by Chapman is good too.

    One last thought…I have found that as much as my son puzzles me sometimes (boy humor, dirty clothes, odd smells), he has been a lot easier to handle than my daughter. (Oh the hormones!)

  22. I’m just glad you are going through all of this first so that I can call you for advice because it all just sounds so very terrifying right now.

    Sounds like your doing an awesome job. 🙂

    Jamie

  23. Sometimes reading alot of books on a subject can get confusing depending on the person. I happen to be one that gets easily overwhelmed by having to process too much information when not sure where I stand on an issue. I was very encouraged by all the ladies words in these comments yet one seemed to speak to me the most- Posted by:

    Stephanie | 01/11/2008 at 10:34 AM
    You have the best parenting book available.
    It’s the Bible. It’s all there!

    I have 8 children the oldest being 28 and the youngest is 8 this month. 5 boys, 3 girls. There has been one thing that has brought understanding,wisdom,hope, assurance, confidence, boldness, mercy,forgiveness…
    (the lists goes on for we have great need of all of this in the bringing up of our children), it has been the REVELATION of Christ inside of me as I sought out the answers thru His Word.
    Mrs Musing Housewife, “You go girl”. From your convictions in your post it is obvious you are so going in the right direction, Trust the Lord to get you thru day by day, He is so faithful, and when you do get more of His wisdom, be sure to just pour it out here and we’ll all drink!!
    God bless you ladies, and strengthen us to press into shaping these little lives in the right way.

  24. Beautiful post! I feel the same way about my little 2 year old! I’m so glad the days are long so I can adjust to her independence.

    I’m with everyone else–I read most of Bringing Up Boys (hey, I didn’t even have a kid, much less a boy!) and thought it was great! My sil loves “Shepherding a Child’s Heart” by Ted Tripp.
    https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0966378601/ref=wl_it_dp?ie=UTF8&coliid=INTNAIYDTPJ7K&colid=7UKFXC07LQ4A

    And not to be super-spiritual or b/c I don’t think you do this–but the only real thing I know is that God’s Word does not return to Him void. So, my most important parenting strategy is to get God’s Word into my daughter–thru music, television, church, in our conversation, etc. I’m planting little seeds in her heart but God’s promised that it will grow. That’s the best thing I can give her.

  25. We are reading Graced Based Parenting in my women’s bible study. We only read the first chapter so far, but it seems like it is going to address an overall parenting strategy without being the absolute instruction manual that other books try to be (and only work with a few children). It also isn’t age specific, so I am looking forward to learning more from this book and especially discussing it with other parents of kids of different ages. I don’t often take book advice at face value, so I usually get a lot more from the discussion than just from the book.

    My husband read one of those “men” books and although he thought it was okay, he also thought it was raising boys to be stereotypical instead of what allowing both boys and girls to be who they are.

  26. Have you read Brining Up Boys by Dr. James Dobson? I actually read it when I was pregnant with my son (5 years ago!!!) so I need a refresher, but there are a lot of things I still remember. One being how boys really have to pull away and seperate from their moms. Sad, but true :).

  27. oh, good luck with all of that! :/

    i was a rebellious kid – never did anything illegal or anything, but rebellious just the same. and i thought i knew everything. but now my dad and i are close as all get out, and i realize he DID know all that stuff i didn’t pay attention to. so, don’t sweat it. just be patient with him, and he’ll come around some day 🙂

    granted, i don’t have any kids, so my reply is pretty pointless, but i did want to wish you luck 🙂 i’m sure you’re doing just fine!

  28. When I had a houseful of babies an old lady said to me,

    ‘When they’re little they pull at your apron strings, but when they’re big they pull at your heartstrings’

    You sound like you’re at the first stage of finding out how true that is!

  29. Oh for the days when we could just place them neatly in the bouncy seat while we bounced around getting things done. I had NO idea parenting a school aged child would be this difficult. My daughter is pretty much like your son so it is not *her* that is difficult per se….helping her (and learning when to not help her) navigate this world is the hardest part.

  30. I know (and so do you!) that I have no children, and perhaps that makes me unqualified to comment, but…..YOU are your instruction mannual!

    Don’t you remember the very days when you felt the same way as he does now? To me, it’s best to keep those in your memory because more often then not, they’re going through the same thing. And, most of us end up realizing how valuable our parents are after getting burned a few times by those “friends” of ours whose time and oppinions we valued more so long ago. Don’t worry, as long as he’s not demonstrating ridiculously rebellious behavior, I say you’re good to go. Just put yourself in his shoes instead of thinking about your hard time. (please don’t take that as me telling you your being too selfish, he’s your CHILD for Pete’s sake, of course this time of his life is hard for you to feel out) I always find that my youth group kids respond better to me when I’ve put myself back in highschool rather then boring them with the wisdom I’ve acquired.
    Trust your own instincts, you don’t need no manual. 😉

  31. Buddy is also in 2nd grade and going through the same things. It makes me nervous, scared, sad and proud–all because he is growing up and becoming his own person. It is a difficult time and I’m sure we will both get through this. I think I am going to read Bringing up Boys based on your readers suggestions. It will probably help since I have three boys to raise into fine young men.

  32. Listen, as the mom of a 13 (almost 14) year old, and 12, 10 and 8 year olds, I’ve discovered exactly what you are describing: it was so much easier when they were little! How do I do it? Prayer, lots of prayer, and grace, lots of grace.

    Oh yeah, I hate parenting books. I have enough guilt issues on my own, thank you very much.

    Hang in there! God promises wisdom to those who ask…

  33. Okay, I know this might sound dumb to some people, but I think one of the best things I’ve done that’s impacted my parenting is learning about the developmental stages of childhood. At every stage, the knowledge has made me a better parent. I recently read about the brain development of adolescents, and it really helps me when dealing with my 15 year old son. The book is called, Why Do They Act That Way? A Survival Guide to the Adolescent Brain for You and Your Teen. People are always complimenting us on how amazing our kids are, and mostly what we’ve done is what you’ve done; loved them, but remembered we are their parents, not their pals. Keep up the good work!

  34. Okay, I know this might sound dumb to some people, but I think one of the best things I’ve done that’s impacted my parenting is learning about the developmental stages of childhood. At every stage, the knowledge has made me a better parent. I recently read about the brain development of adolescents, and it really helps me when dealing with my 15 year old son. The book is called, Why Do They Act That Way? A Survival Guide to the Adolescent Brain for You and Your Teen. People are always complimenting us on how amazing our kids are, and mostly what we’ve done is what you’ve done; loved them, but remembered we are their parents, not their pals. Keep up the good work!

  35. Okay, I know this might sound dumb to some people, but I think one of the best things I’ve done that’s impacted my parenting is learning about the developmental stages of childhood. At every stage, the knowledge has made me a better parent. I recently read about the brain development of adolescents, and it really helps me when dealing with my 15 year old son. The book is called, Why Do They Act That Way? A Survival Guide to the Adolescent Brain for You and Your Teen. People are always complimenting us on how amazing our kids are, and mostly what we’ve done is what you’ve done; loved them, but remembered we are their parents, not their pals. Keep up the good work!

  36. Okay, I know this might sound dumb to some people, but I think one of the best things I’ve done that’s impacted my parenting is learning about the developmental stages of childhood. At every stage, the knowledge has made me a better parent. I recently read about the brain development of adolescents, and it really helps me when dealing with my 15 year old son. The book is called, Why Do They Act That Way? A Survival Guide to the Adolescent Brain for You and Your Teen. People are always complimenting us on how amazing our kids are, and mostly what we’ve done is what you’ve done; loved them, but remembered we are their parents, not their pals. Keep up the good work!

  37. Okay, I know this might sound dumb to some people, but I think one of the best things I’ve done that’s impacted my parenting is learning about the developmental stages of childhood. At every stage, the knowledge has made me a better parent. I recently read about the brain development of adolescents, and it really helps me when dealing with my 15 year old son. The book is called, Why Do They Act That Way? A Survival Guide to the Adolescent Brain for You and Your Teen. People are always complimenting us on how amazing our kids are, and mostly what we’ve done is what you’ve done; loved them, but remembered we are their parents, not their pals. Keep up the good work!

  38. Okay, I know this might sound dumb to some people, but I think one of the best things I’ve done that’s impacted my parenting is learning about the developmental stages of childhood. At every stage, the knowledge has made me a better parent. I recently read about the brain development of adolescents, and it really helps me when dealing with my 15 year old son. The book is called, Why Do They Act That Way? A Survival Guide to the Adolescent Brain for You and Your Teen. People are always complimenting us on how amazing our kids are, and mostly what we’ve done is what you’ve done; loved them, but remembered we are their parents, not their pals. Keep up the good work!

  39. Okay, I know this might sound dumb to some people, but I think one of the best things I’ve done that’s impacted my parenting is learning about the developmental stages of childhood. At every stage, the knowledge has made me a better parent. I recently read about the brain development of adolescents, and it really helps me when dealing with my 15 year old son. The book is called, Why Do They Act That Way? A Survival Guide to the Adolescent Brain for You and Your Teen. People are always complimenting us on how amazing our kids are, and mostly what we’ve done is what you’ve done; loved them, but remembered we are their parents, not their pals. Keep up the good work!

  40. What a great post from straight from a mom’s heart. I love it and thank you for sharing it! I only have little ones, so I have no advice to offer past the first grade. However, our church is offering a parenting class right now based on John Rosemond’s new book, Parenting By the Book. The “book” being the bible. It is actually his first based on the bible even though he has written many great parenting books. It is supposed to cover baby through teenager years. It looks like a good book, although I have not actually read it entirely.

  41. Parenting never gets easier it just keeps getting different. The challenges change as you go along. Being friends with your adult son is worth all the years of work, toil, tears, prayers. . . Just a few ideas from experience: Listen whenever he is willing to talk. For boys that is not very often but STOP what you are doing and seize the moment. Invest time with him and try to be available when he is and do what he wants to do. Play a game, watch TV, read a book, draw a picture, look at his baseball card collection with admiration, help with homework. An example of this that I cherish to this day is reading aloud to my son (chapter books) when he was 11 or 12. I read to him from infancy, and kept on as long as he wanted to do it. We would climb on his bed and prop up the pillows and I would read to him from chapter books -adventure stories – before he went to sleep. I was very tired because I had worked all day, but I wanted to do it as long as he was interested. One night he said to me, “Mom, please don’t tell my friends that we do this.” That meant the world to me and at that point, I knew it did to him too. He was that big boy who still wanted to be a little boy sometimes. Be sensitive to that tender ego and don’t ever embarrass him in front of his friends. That he will have a hard time forgiving. Let him know you will move heaven and earth for him and he can come to you 24/7 and you are there to help him. Be patient with his faults. Discipline in love. He is a work in progress. Hug him when he will let you and don’t get your feelings hurt when he pulls away. He is figuring it all out and he will come back. I can’t remember my son hugging me in public from the time he was about 10 until he was 18. Yes, 18 – When we left him on the college campus the first time, the last thing he would have done was hug me good-bye. And, he didn’t. But much to my surprise, when I went back 6 weeks later to get him for his first fall break, he came out to the car and gave me a big bear hug in front of God, Country and his friends! He was coming back! Be patient! You are entering a difficult stage, and boys have a more difficult time with their relationship with their mothers than girls do. You are doing a lot of things right. Don’t get discouraged. Pray for him and pray for wisdom for yourself.

  42. I remember being the mom of the cute “little” kids at any gathering. All of a sudden, I was the mom of the “big” klunky kids at gatherings. It changed my perspective of the other klunky kid parents before me. Dr. Dobson is right; parenting isn’t for sissies.

  43. Oh my, that is all I have to say as my little two year old sweet boy sleeps in our bed waiting for me to join and cuddle him, tonight for the first time he said nite nite mommy, I love you all on his own and it has just begun and I feel like it is already slipping away, oh time, you never really know until you are there.

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