Look, Ma! No hair!

So I got up this morning and had my son take a few pictures for What I Wore Wednesday, and all I can do is stare at my freakishly non-existant hair.

Usually I only post pictures where I look my best — who doesn’t, right? Don’t tell me you guys really think I always look as good as I do in the pictures I post on here.

Oh trust me, I go to great lengths to stand the right way and suck in my momma gut and I’m ALWAYS hyper aware of my dreadfully thinning hair. Friends in real life can attest that every time someone whips out a camera, I immediately start pushing my hair forward from behind, and then try to look directly at the camera, so that I appear to have hair on both sides. Then if I can get away with it, I check the photo to be sure I have hair before it goes out for the world to see.

Vain much?

But this morning, I couldn’t find a decent one in the whole bunch. I almost just posted anyway and didn’t call attention to it, but then and as I looked at these pictures, I couldn’t just throw them up there and be all, LOOK AT MY CUTE NEW SWEATS! Because what I’m really thinking is, I’M GONNA BE BALD BEFORE I’M 40!

I know it doesn’t help that this photo is backlit, but still. It’s quite telling.

I have been fighting this issue for a couple of years now, and it has only worsened over time. I try not to whine about it too much and just put it in the back of my mind and carry on. I mean, what else am I gonna do? But every once in a while, I get a glimpse of it and the reality hits me and I just want to sit down and bawl like a baby.

The hardest part about hair loss is that you feel so. utterly. out. of control.

And before you ask . . .

Yes, I am treating my hypothyroid. Yes, I take biotin. Yes, I use sulfate-free shampoos. Yes, I’ve seen my doctor, and I’ve done everything she suggests — mostly she thinks I’m not absorbing protein b/c of my digestive issues, so she has me on digestive enzymes and things to hopefully get things moving in the right direction. I’ve even gone off gluten (in case a food sensitivity is what is prohibiting my body from absorbing the nutrients I need).

I have no idea what to do to fix it, and with every change, it is so hard to be patient until I can tell if it is helping (and so far NOTHING is helping.)

You should see the hair on my bathroom floor. I could make a rug out of it.

Some say, just cut it off. Can I tell you how horrid I look with short hair? I’ve gone as short as I’m willing to go, although right now it’s a big longer than it needs to be, and I plan to remedy that stat.

I will say that I’m thankful that it isn’t thinning in the scalp area. It’s all on the ends and towards the front. My hair dresser says it’s not breakage – she says it’s more like it is falling out faster than it can grow back in. And this last time she described it as having a shelf life. It comes in, but it will only grow so much. She has not cut any layers into the sides or front in a year — the goal is for it to be a bob – longer in the front than the back. And as you can see, it is so not that.

Why do I share all this? I dunno. I almost didn’t. Everyone has something, right? I have a great life. I have three well adjusted kids and a husband who loves me and a nice home and good food and parents who are just a call away. It’s just hair.

But really, as every woman knows, it is so much more than that.