This morning was ugly. I shudder to remember it. If I had any pride, I would keep it to myself. But I’m not very good at pretending to be perfect. And I feel the need to get it off my chest.
It all had to do with shoes. One shoe, to be exact. It was 5 minutes before the school bus was due to arrive, and I found myself in a very familiar predicament — searching for my daughter’s shoe. This is nothing new. My middle child NEVER can find her shoes when it is time to go somewhere. I don’t have this problem with my other two children. Even my 2-year-old can always find her shoes.
We have discussed putting them in the same place every time she takes them off, but I admit my own failure in helping her put this system into practice. At the very least, we could set out the shoes the night before and do our searching when we don’t have an imminent deadline. But I never remember to do either. (Hello!? The apple and the tree?) So for three years I have found myself at the last minute searching high and low for an elusive shoe. And it brings out the absolute worst in me.
This morning I was downright ugly. I said things to my child that I would do anything to take back. I know that the misplaced shoe is as much my fault as it is hers, but I put the full blame on her. I hate myself for not being able to control my words, my tone. I don’t know how I can expect my children to exhibit self-control when I don’t model it for them.
I know that God’s grace is sufficient in my weakness. I know that I can go to Him and repent and be forgiven. I can even apologize to my child and reassure her that I love her. (And I did that before I sent her off to school this morning.) But I cannot retract my words. My daughter will not forget them.
29 thoughts on “UGLY”
You are so not alone in this.
Oh wow! I am so sorry you had a rough morning. I’ve done the same exact thing and felt the same way afterward. At least you are able to admit it and apologize. And you had the courage to share….we aren’t meant to be perfect and I’ve been told that God meets us where we are – even if it is an UGLY place. *hugs*
You know, Jo-Lynne, my parents didn’t become Christians till I was four. There were a LOT of these moments in our house up to that point–and for several years after. Old habits die hard. My parents were actually getting counseling from our pastor by the time I was seven because of how difficult my mom’s and my relationship was. She’d yell. I’d yell. I’d slam doors. We’d both shed buckets of tears. It wasn’t good. But God DID redeem those years. He did a huge work in both of our lives and changed those times into good things. And now? We are as close as could be. VERY close and the best of friends. Yep, kids are very resilient… especially when they see sincerity in their parents’ repentance and apologies. I know from here that you’re an amazing mom and that God can heal the hurts from this morning.
Oh, I’ve so been there…. Deadlines bring out the worst in me too.
Just last week I had to apologize to ALL THREE of my kids for the words and tone I used in rushing them out the door.
And I hate that they will not forget that morning. I think we can only do our best to make it right, and pray that interaction like that doesn’t define their childhood.
We can only do our best as parents. Not much consolation, but I just try to believe that God will make up the difference.
I’m thankful for your admission because it’s something that happens to all of us at times, no matter how much we love our kids and want to serve the Lord in our parenting. Talking about it takes some of the shame out of the situation, and you know how much the enemy loves to use shame in our lives! Hope you can move on and have a great evening with your family! 🙂
you poor thing – she will forget them, which is the good news. I couldn’t tell you any of the hurtful things that my parents may or may not have said when I was a child. She will love you regardless.
When I heard my son (5) yelling at his sister (3) I knew that I had to really try to limit my yelling (I really don’t yell that much, but enough for my son to pick up the bad habit) and I had to tell him that it’s not okay for me to yell and it’s not okay for him to yell. It’s awful when your kids are a mirror of your bad habits.
You are not the first mother to do this. We’ve all had those moments. At least you are learning from the experience. That makes all the difference.
I think that it helps to talk about it. I have friends (and blog-readers) with whom I share my abominable behavior.
Your daughter still loves you, and we appreciate you even more for your honesty.
We have the same problem and I carry the same guilt. Until I ask for it to be taken away. But sometimes I wonder…
What is God using the missing shoe for? Because you know it’s something! Perhaps if He could make it a little more clear…
I hope your day goes better. I’m sure by the time she comes home, your daughter will have moved on and will be full of excitement at seeing you and telling you about her day.
Thank you for sharing. I think that we are supposed to share our failures with each other. I heard a saying that I like a lot “Let your Mess be your Message”. When we create a mess for ourselves it really does help others to share that message. By doing so you show people that they are not alone and that you are not a perfect person either. Maybe your message will make other people stop and think next time before they say things they cannot take back. You rock!
hugs to you. we have all said things we wish we could take back. thankfully our kids are resilient. admitting to her that we all mess up and can be forgiven is the lesson here, and that we are all growing. stop beating yourself up & just keep striving to get better. bless you.
I think we have all had those moments – you are not alone! Thanks for sharing with us.
Everyone has these moments. You are human.
OMG! I have the EXACT same problem with the missing shoe!! I too will lose my mind and my mouth… I feel ya, I do.
Ack! I see myself in this post. I hate losing my temper with my girl. I want to be a good example of Christ-like behavior, yet I can’t even do that for a single day without messing it up.
I’m so thankful for God’s grace.
It happens to all of us. My husband keeps telling me our kids won’t remember when I yell or lose my temper – he swears he doesn’t remember anything before age 7. I think he says that to make me feel better. Apologizing is the first step followed by lots of hugs.
Deep breaths. You are a wonderful mom.
Oh I see myself in this post as well. Really! I have often prayed that my children will never remember my moments of ugliness.
ugh – i have those moments too. its so easy to take out our frustrations on these little people. but don’t underestimate the power of your asking her for forgiveness – that will stick with her as well.
thanks for sharing your inperfection.
Been there, done that, felt like a horrible mama. I did that just today, not over shoes (though we have had the shoe drama on more than one occasion) and still feel bad.
Hang in there and it’s always nice to know that other mamas have the same struggles.
Thank you for posting this because i feel the exact. same. way. this week. For me it wasn’t shoes, but something equally as silly (although it doesn’t feel silly in the moment!)…definitely not something worth starting my kids day off with ugliness!
Hang in there!
You are definitely not the only one who had a bad morning!
Amen Sister. I am in my 2nd month of potty training a 2 year old. I am guilty of this daily. You are so not alone here. Thanks for sharing even your weaknesses. *HUGS* Julie
(from soon to be from inmates to playdates).
i finally learned this year (after my son is now in 5th grade) that I have to have them all ready 30 minutes before we’re really supposed to leave. Then I’m not the one freaking out because they haven’t done something.
It makes things so much easier.
I hope you’re feeling a little better now about how things went. We’ve all had these moments, that’s for sure.
Oh, I send you a big hug. I can completely relate. It is hard to feel this remorse. Kids are soooo forgiving and they actually do forget our words. Hang in there – all the good things you do as a mommy definitely make up for the one not so great thing.
We fight about shoes daily, too!
Thank God I am not alone! I thought socks were the only thing that were supposed to get lost! We will come home and have to leave again in an hour and in that time, my girls lose their shoes. I too am bad about that but lose my patience when it comes to them. I always feel horrible when I see that look on their face and try to make them feel better once we have all calmed down, but you are right, we can’t take our words back. Thank you God for grace and mercy and help us moms to show it as well!
Thank you for being so honest!!! It helps all of us other moms out there who lose it not feel so awful!! Thank you for your sweet comments on my blog. It is funny that you said that it was hard to read the pink on green, which I was just thinking the other day. Soooo, with you saying that, I decided it should be changed! Thanks for letting me know.
This blog has bothered me for a week. Since noone else will tell you. I will. Chiuldren are a GIFT from God. You may have been willing. I can’t understand treating a gift from God like a piece of dirt or worse. Would you talk to me as you must have you daughter? It is your job to teach her where to put shoes, etc THE NIGHT BEFORE. Stay off the computer and out of the shopping areas and bring up your child like a child of God she is. I am really dissapointed in you.