Naturally the biggest dentalphobe in the entire known world has also inherited the most rotten teeth in the history of all humankind.
Let me explain. Yesterday afternoon as I was happily nibbling away at my favorite Trader Joe’s treat, peanut butter filled pretzels, which, by the way, I highly recommend, I felt a sharp particle caught in one of my lower rear teeth. Using my tongue, I tried to rid my tooth of the offending object when I realized that I was feeling something far too sharp to be a piece of pretzel.
I ran to the closest mirror to investigate and discovered one of my biggest fears — a cracked tooth. I immediately got on the phone and called my dental office where the guy at the front desk knows
me by my first name. No joke. After I identified myself and told him about my cracked tooth, he told me I better come in right away. Grand! JUST how I wanted to spend my afternoon.
So I packed both girls in the car and made the 30-minute drive to the dental office. After five minutes in my favorite chair, I was informed that my tooth was indeed cracked. And since it’s a wisdom tooth, I get the grand prize — a referral to
the oral surgeon. Woohoo! JUST what I wanted for Christmas, my four
wisdom teeth. Joy to the world!
Now, if you’ve been hanging out on my blog for long, you have no doubt read about my fear of dentists and basically anything involving having a long needle embedded anywhere in my person. In fact, there is a series of posts neatly filed under the category of Dental Saga that are pretty entertaining if I do say so myself. If you’re looking for something to read this afternoon, there ya go. And that only chronicles the work done on one quadrant of my mouth. I went on to have work done in every other corner of my mouth, and by the time we were done with that, it was time to start going around again. It’s just a never-ending party in my mouth, no presents please.
I have had so much dental work done, in fact, that as I was leaving the dental office, I asked for a print-out of my entire history with this practice. I made a bet with my friend at the front desk that I probably have had 30 fillings since I started there. He laughed and said he thought that was "a bit lofty".
Never one to back down from a challenge, I went out to my car and painstakingly went over the entire record and counted, get this, EXACTLY THIRTY FILLINGS (well, two were inlays and one was a root canal, if you must be precise) in the last five years.
Is that not the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever heard? This dentist will be retiring early and resting on his laurels after he’s done with me. (Please tell me that we will be done at some point. There is an end to this madness, right?)
I called my friend at the front desk from my car and informed him that not only was my guess reasonable, it was 100% accurate. He grudgingly admitted that it was indeed eerie, both the accuracy of my guess as well as the fact that ANYONE IN REASONABLY GOOD HEALTH COULD POSSIBLY HAVE HAD 30 FILLINGS IN FIVE YEARS!!
So, next stop, oral surgeon. I can’t wait. Merry Christmas!